REMEMBERING.....

Yesterday was my Grandpa's birthday, he passed away at 94, in 2005. He was the best grandpa, I miss him still everyday, but I know that we all will see him again. I can't wait to see and hug him again. I am so glad that Mike got to meet him, he was an amazing man.
Today was Jason's birthday, Mikes' brother who has passed away too. He would have been 27 today. We miss him so much, and we talk about him a lot. We too, know that we will see him again someday, and hear his laugh, see his smile, and get to talk with him again.
Here is a picture of Jason. He will never be forgotten. We love and miss you "brother."





Well, here is an update. I am so sorry I misled you, my grandpas birthday is in July not in June. Wow, did I ever mess up. He was born in 1911 on July 9. He passed away on May 6, 2004. I remember it so well, it was during the Friends finale. This was way before Tivo, DVR, or anything. I will always remember him, and we miss him so much. Sorry for the mistake.

"Gimp!"

Well, if you read the last post, you know that I have been pretty consistent running lately....well, that all came to a halt Sunday after church. I was carrying Ryker and I FELL on the sidewalk walking to the car. I totally messed up my right knee, Ryker is fine and didn't even realize we went down, thank goodness. Well that night I couldn't sleep, couldnt really do anything. So, long story short, I went the doctor and am grateful they didn't laugh at me, well, x rays and everything, my knee is just badly hurt, very swollen and really in a lot of pain. I am grateful that it is not broken in any way, I just wish I could get off the toilet normal....wow, that takes some work!!!
I am so embarrassed but might as well let the world know that I am a bit clumsy. That is why I have not done any running this week, and hope to by Saturday, but I don't want it to get worse...but I want to get back on my running shoes. Hopefully they still fit, my foot is swollen as well.
Hailey and Ryker are doing quite well, they are being so gentle with my knee. Mike just calls me Gimp. I am grateful that he is able to help out with the kids and stuff, while I am down.
I wanted to tell everyone thanks for your comments about my well being. I also wanted to let everyone know not to worry, I am fine. I asked the doctor if it is normal for hormones and periods, and all that good stuff to come back after having babies, with a vengeance, and they said it happens a lot. They said it should get better, so we are waiting for it to get better. I just want my family to know that I love them and appreciate them for all they do and put up with.
Some good news:
MIKE HAS A JOB OFFER!!!! He will start on Monday. It is quite a commute, but we are very pleased. Hopefully everything will return to normal around here. I am so happy and grateful for the time we have had with him. He is a great guy and an even better daddy. I am so happy that he wants to provide for us. I love him so much. We have had a lot of fun together, as a family, time that we wouldn't have had otherwise.

100+ mile month!!!

In May I ran over 100 miles!! I was sooo excited. I looked back to previous months of hard training for the half marathon, and my records show that I didn't run close to that much in a month. I was so proud of myself. I have been waking up early in the morning and doing my running. I was fortunate enough to run in a 10k, and my time has improved, I ran a 9 min and 41 second mile. I finished the run in under an hour, that was my goal. I am so proud of my Hailey she ran a kid race, and was awesome, she has the perfect form. She is going to do another run in June, and a triathlon in August. She got to run with some really great friends, and talked about it for DAYS!!! She woke up on the day of the race, and thanks to the Backyardagains, she sang "It's racing day, it's racing day!" I am so pleased that she loves to run. I run without them quite a lot now, and she gets really sad. She says "You trained without me". I then take her and Ryker on a little run that includes a park in the middle.
I know that I have not written in a long time, so here is a little update.
Ryker:
Got tubes in his ears, and is a totally different guy. He actually sleeps, and is not so clingy. He had a hard time the day of the procedure, they had to give the little guy morphine. It was hard, but we are blessed to get that done. Ryker loves to run through the sprinklers, ride on Haileys bike, and BUGS. He is always handing me a bug. He is talking soooo great now. I love him so much. What a great kid. He is going to the doctor today for a check up on his ears. He weighs 24 pounds and is such a kid now, he has started nursery, already, and is doing great. (Mike drops him off, I don't think I would leave him.)
Hailey:
Wants to play with friends...? What, she has more of a life than I do. She says the funniest things and is so sweet and caring....most of the time. Up at the hospital when Ryker was getting tubes, she was sooo sad and didn't want them to hurt Ryker. She really loves her brother. She loves to be outside, and ride her bike. She weighs 30 pounds and is always telling us how much bigger she is than Ryker, not for long I am afraid though. She loves to draw, color, and READ. She hands me like 20 books a day, not exaggerating. She loves them. She is so excited for preschool, I think it will be good for her to learn from someone else. She was so blessed yesterday, she fell at the zoo on her arm on bark, her arm was in back while her body was in front, I thought she had done some serious damage, but we stretched it and did pinwheels, and the Lord blessed her.
Mike:
Continues to look for a job. He is doing some intense searching, hopefully something will come through. The kids and I love him at home, I don't think they will know what to do without their daddy here, if he gets a new job. He leaves to go somewhere and Hailey and Ryker freak out for like an hour, "Where did he go?" It will be hard, but it's been fun for Mike and the kids to get to play together.
Jess:
I am still having my moments of being sad, mad, happy, excited, well just all over the place. My hormones have came back and they are in full force. I am trying so hard to control this, and have had some serious conversations with the Lord. I want to give them all to Him, through the Atonement...but I need to release them, I think that is the hardest part. I have been better lately though. I feel bad for my family, they shouldn't have to deal with an emotional mom. I kind of freak out sometimes. The song "Jesus take the wheel" comes to mind, and I for sure don't listen to country. It is not my season to do anything I want during the day, hence I wake up early to do my stuff.
We have had fun playing softball, going to the zoo, roller skating, bike rides, volleyball, yard work, and just doing stuff together. This summer will be a great one, can't wait to go on some much needed vacations.
Sorry this blog is soooo long, if you are still reading..thanks. I could not do what I do without all of you and your support.
I wanted to let you all know, that I drove to the zoo on the freeway and did not even feel drowsy, I hope that continues, I have not had a episode like that in awhile...thank goodness.

Tragedy.....take 2

Well, I know some of you saw my last post and then probably are wondering why it was gone., Let me explain, if you know ANYTHING about Mike he is a very private guy, and his family are very much the same. I felt bad for blogging about the situation as soon as I did, with all the details.
Well, Mike said I could put it back on...so here we go.
On Thursday morning, we were listening to the primary songs and finishing exercising, when Mike called me into his "Office," aka our bedroom. He then told me of the bad, terrible, horrific news. He said, "Something bad happened last night, Jason by brother died." I went numb, I had to look on the Internet for the story to make it REAL to me. We didn't know what to do, and to be frank we still really don't. Mike and his family are doing really great, and staying super close to each other and to the Lord. It was a super neat experience at their home, all the family (four boys and both parents) all got blessings from each other. It is a night I will never forget and I don't think any of them will. I am so grateful for the peace that we can feel even at bad times in our lives. It is a true personal testimony that He loves us, and really cares for us, I knew that, but now I really do .
Jason was in a car accident and we think killed immediately, which was a blessing. He was ejected, it gives me the chills to write that. Which again, I think was a blessing, the car caught fire, and people had to be rescued. He was the only one that died, but a lot are hurt and I don't know there stories.
I hope we can all learn something from this. Mike was and is an awesome brother. Being the oldest of the boys, he has set a great example. We feel blessed to have gotten to know him better these few years we have lived in Utah closer to him. He was such a funny guy! He will be missed.
Mike has done a lot with the arrangements and I am grateful for that, I think it helps. He wrote the obituary, and he is going to post that soon. He is also putting a picture video together, which I THINK we should be able to post. He is also talking at the funeral, which should be a shock to everyone. Mike doesn't do that, it will be a great tribute to Jason. Mike will do great, and I am proud of him for doing it.
Mike is doing as well as can be expected, the same with his family. We just wish we would have had more time with him. I am sooo grateful we know the plan and that we will see him again. Please keep Mike and his family in your prayers.

On a brighter side of things:

Ryker is growing up sooo fast. He is saying new words and lots of them everyday. He loves to read and learn just like his sister. He is a funny little guy, he is always copying someone. He is always making me laugh. He is running everywhere, he loves basketball still. When we are in the car, he just sits in his car seat saying bball, seeing all the basketball hoops as we drive, it is soooo funny. He brings me diapers when he needs to be changed, and always wants to throw the old ones in the garbage. He even sat on the potty today, nothing came, but good start.

Hailey loves to read and learn, she is sooo excited about going to pre-school in the fall. She makes me call her school girl! She wrote so many names today, I didn't know she even knew how. She showed me that she knows how to draw a flower, this kid is amazing! She loves to play with her friends. She is super silly with her dad, and her brother. She says the funniest things. I just laugh all of the time.

I am so grateful for my family, and the knowledge of being with them forever. I don't know what I would do without these kids, and my wonderful husband. I love you all soooo much.

Pictures of everyone and everything will come as soon as life slows down a little. It has been pretty nuts, around here.

Thanks to ALL my friends!!!

Thank you to all of you that read my bitter blog. I am so grateful to have you all in my life. Your comments helped me be soooo grateful for my life, my family, our savings, and the gospel.
Just so you all know, things are going MUCH, MUCH better. We still don't have a job, or the two kid thing mastered yet....but we are working on both. These kids are so amazing, they make me laugh so hard. They really sense when you need to be cheered up, they come and say the cutest things, give hugs, or just want you to hold them. I love being a mom, and a wife.
Updates on kids that will hopefully make you smile:
Ryker is walking, and walking everywhere. He is such a silly little guy. He LOVES basketball, like LOVES it, to the point if he sees ANYTHING round or a hoop, he says "bball" until we go get it for him, or let him out of the highchair. We were at church and he sees the hoop in the gym, and the whole ward knows he wants the basketball hoop, because everyone can hear him!! We are going to get him a little standard for Easter, he will love it. He has also started to recognize places, when we pulled into my moms, he said mammas, and when we pulled home one day, he said pappas. It is so sweet, he really gets excited these days. It must be fun to be one, it sure is fun watching him grow. He is teething, so that is really sad, but he is doing great, couldn't ask for more.
Our little Hailey, is getting soooo big. She loves to run, and can run really fast and well for such a little thing. Yesterday she asked us to go for a walk with her while I pushed Ryker and she pushed her Ryker. Daddy came too, which never happens, it was really sweet. Hailey loves to read, she brings me books all of the time and wants me to read to her. She loves craft monday, she loves to pick what we do, it's a lot of fun. I can't believe she will be old enough to go to pre-school in the fall, it's so neat. She says the funniest things, just a couple of days ago, she said "Mike, what the heck, you just dorked me with the ball!" She also says not the best words, we were up at my moms, and she babysits my nephews, and for some reason my 5 year old nephew comes down and says "Hailey called me an ass twice." I didn't know what to do other than to say what did you do, and then say sorry. I need to be careful, don't I?
I helped my mother in law make an apron for Hailey for Easter. It will be so cute. Thank you for your help, and patience with me. She is soooo great and creative, she can work wonders.
Anyway, so that is the happier update on our family. I got a great peaceful feeling yesterday that everything will be okay. I sure live for those moments, I think we have to.
I know other people are having hard times right now, and you all are in my thoughts and prayers, I hope we all can have better days and remember them when the bad ones come to the surface.
Thanks again, love you all.

A Bad Day, it all began at 7:10!!!

Update on Mikes work situation:
There is NOT a working situation anymore. He was working for a company based out of Arizona, but that ended and now we are back to square one. I can't believe it. He wants to start his own business but says that I am a distraction, and that the kids are noisy. I feel like an intruder in my own home. Needless to say, we go places everyday, and stay there a LONG time. I get sooo bugged that we can't be here, being who we are. I just am having a hard time with this. I feel like the worst wife, I try to be supportive, but it's sooo hard when I don't see the results. I don't mean to be bitter, but....
I should back up a little, so you know what kind of week I have had. I went to see my parents this week (to get out of the house so it could be quiet) and on the way home, I fell asleep three times on the way home, on the freeway. To everyone, I know I am stupid and this will never happen again. I was talking to my mom tonight and told her, and she had a different spin on things. She was grateful that I didn't hit the wall the first time, and the two semi's the next two times. I really felt someone telling me to wake up, and then feeling someone help me NOT over correct. I still cannot believe how dumb I was. Two sleeping, innocent kids in the back, and then me being sooooo irresponsible, and stupid in the front. I am so grateful to the Lord and the angels who helped me get my angels home safe that day. I was not tired and I still don't know what happened. I felt like the crappiest mom ever, and still do.
And that brings us to today:
This morning began nice and early, Hailey seems to love to wake up at 7:10 (I hate daylight savings time, something in me wishes I was moving to Arizona!), and she comes and gets me, and this morning I did not want to move until Ryker woke up, which was at 7:23, so I got out of bed and started the day.
Haileys' earrings has been having some issues lately, and every time we need to clean them, wow, she is screaming and yelling, kicking, and this morning she called me mean mommy. I almost cried. I gave up, Mike I think got it cleaned out. I think he gave up too and took the other one out too. It has been almost three months, so I hope her holes don't close in.
Then came the play dough fun, her friend Hayley came over and played with her. Ryker wanted to but he ate it again, so I ended that pretty fast. Play date went well, but my mind was just already on "over it."
Then I was going to attempt Costco. Well Mike looked at me and said I was crazy taking two kids alone to Costco with the day I was having. So, as with everything, Mike gets his way. I stayed home and made lunch for us (mostly him, I'm fine with sandwiches).
Then I put Ryker in his highchair and made Fajitas for lunch. I was trying to keep my spirits up. I love to cook and clean when I have a lot on my mind.
Nap time was next. They fell asleep great, and I got to exercise while they were asleep. It felt really great.
I thought "oh the day is better after naps, let's go outside and clean out the car, vacuum , wipe, everything." To my surprise it went pretty well.
Then I started to go on a walk with some of the moms from my ward. OH MY!!! They were soooo naughty. Hailey didn't want to ride, she wanted to push everyone's stroller. Then the treats weren't enough for Ryker today, he SCREAMED the entire time. Well I cut the walk short and went home.
Then, Mike said that it was time for Costco. We ate dinner there. Right in the middle of dinner, they evacuated the entire place! They said that they had gotten a bomb threat. Anyway, so we left and went to Wal-mart. We first went home to grab the ads, because they match...anyway....matching takes a lot of concentration...I will NOT be doing this anytime soon. I just really needed milk and bananas, but if I would have known what was going to happen I would have stayed home.
We go into Wal-mart, and we head for the produce. Well, everything was okay. Ryker and Hailey are both in the cart. I am looking for things that match, and that we need. Well Mike gets her out, because she was being good, while Ryker pulls on the apples in a bag, and Hailey grabs them from him to put them back, and BLAM, he is on the floor quicker than I could catch him. I see it all in slow motion, throw everything down and go to my child who is now on the floor scared out of his mind. His neck is bent, and his body is in back of him, he cried in my arms sooo loud, and hard. Hailey was so sad, I know she didn't mean to, she said sorry a lot, but I didn't know what to do. Mike came over and I know he was trying to be nice, but, he grabbed Ryker from me and said "lets finish our shopping", What? I am in panic mode, Rykers' head was facing a direction that did not look good, and he wants to just finish shopping and move on.....I wanted to comfort him, and I wanted Mike to get Hailey so I didn't have to worry about her. I ended up giving him to Mike, and was just so sad the entire time. I used to work in the grocery stores and see this all of the time....now I am THAT mom....I feel sooooo bad, I just wish I could have done something, anything....I am a terrible mom. I want to let you know, that both kids are great tonight, and they are both asleep and Ryker CAN move....blessings.....wherever I can find them. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. My mom also said something tonight to think about, she said that we all can think a little bit more before we judge and think bad things about "those" moms we see, that have unfortunate things happen to their kids. I know I will, next time I witness something sad. Two people came over to me, and asked how he was, and one even said babies move sooo fast. Thank you for not judging me.
I just need to go for a LONG run, and stop eating everything in sight.
Sorry for depressing you, thanks for reading my blog and being my friend.
So much for trying to save money in this economy right? Full prices, and healthy kids sounds a lot better to me.
Jess

Pictures!

Here are the promised pictures.