Monday, February 7, 2011

What a new post? Are you for real?

We have been busy here:
Christmas was great, and the new year brought new projects to mind, and new goals. Mike is starting a business, and that was number one, to get it rolling and registered. I had my own plans, run faster and longer, eat better, stop buying those yummy junk foods that I always bring home, make my blog private, be a better mom and wife, friend, daughter, de-junk my house and give things away,go to the doctor and get well child checks, me a physical, dentist cleanings, and just have fun with my family....
well...things change right?
We put that all on hold until the beginning of January, and then we started to do things, by going to the dentist and doctor. The kids got shots, Hailey was brave at the dentist, 2 cavities and a baby root canal (?what the heck, I thought I was really good with her brushing, I felt sooo bad) Ryker didn't even let them in, the dentist looked at his smile, and said that he had good enamel. Ryker was really great with Hailey getting dental work, he held her hand and asked if she was okay. It was really cute, he worries soooo much about her.
We almost bought a house, and put it off for reasons that I did not know, it was kind of sad, I really liked it but it was not in the BEST location, and it DIDN'T have a YARD! We passed on it. Mike had put the starting of the business on hold to, for a reason I did not know.
I went to the doctor and got some SAD (but much needed) news....
Apparently I am ADDICTED to running....not in a good way. The doctor said that I am on the verge of an eating disorder. What? I had no clue that eating anything you want and exercising the extra calories was dangerous or naughty. I guess I have had this for awhile. I seriously had no clue. I was told to give my scale to Mike, read Intuitive Eating, only exercise for 5 days for an hour a day, and NOT count calories. I was put on restriction. The doctor asked if I was motivated to get up with my kids if they got up at 5:30 AM, and I said probably not, and then he asked if I would be motivated to go for a run at that time, wow, what an eye opener. When I was training for my marathon, I would not even be able to sleep knowing I was going to get a good run in, in the morning, I would be sooo excited to run, wow, I really needed a fix, didn't I? He then asked me "Why do you think I am doing this?" I said because you are mean, and then I cried. He said, no, I am doing this to save your life, to save your quality of life, and to make sure HAILEY does not do this. A couple of days into this Hailey wanted to weigh herself to see if she is big enough for a booster, and I said we don't have one, wow, the biggest melt down I have ever seen, I guess I need to look in the mirror, it would have been identical for sure.
I felt terrible for the first two weeks, not weighing myself, not running as much as I would like, transforming a two hour workout a day for 6 days, into 5 days for an hour, ONLY AN HOUR, people, I was going crazy. I cried, I was moody, I was sad, I seriously did not know what my purpose was anymore, worst of all, I didn't want to gain the weight back. I know this sounds soooo extreme, but I had to go through these feelings to realize I DO HAVE A PROBLEM.
So, now I run for 30 to 40 minutes, and stretch for 30 or 20 minutes, and I do a longer run on Saturdays. I take Fridays and Sundays, OFF, which is huge for me. If I don't get a workout in, it is missed, but I am okay with this now, that is sooo big for me. I might not fit into my clothes quite yet, but maybe I need new clothes, maybe I was not at my ideal weight. I am still trying to find out.
Then we went up to my mom's for a baptism of a relative. This also helped to regroup from all this weight stuff on a Saturday. We decided to look at some houses for fun, and we found the best house! It was perfect. It is on 1/3 of an acre, in a circle, and it has a rental. (Mikes dream) It is the center of the circle, so big yard (my dream). We thought about it for a long time. Then we found out there was an offer on it, what? we are going to lose this? I thought to myself, do you know how many houses you have looked at, and now you are going to lose this one? We have looked at soooo many nice ones, put offers on too many, and I am sooo sick of the process.
We went up the next weekend also and we looked at it again, I thought no this time, that it wasn't right, we looked at a few others, nothing seemed to be working. (I guess I didn't feel no, but Mike found some things wrong with it this time, and we were just confused, it was the devil, I just know it!) Mike read this, and he said, "I didn't know that you were feeling no at this time," and I really wasn't it was just confusing, and it was just an odd feeling to have.. It was sad, we felt so good about moving at this time in our lives. Anyway, we just didn't do anything. We spent all Saturday and Sunday thinking about it and finally....we became grown ups!
On Monday January 17 we put in an offer against the other offer, on the BEST house with the rental. On Wednesday the 19th they picked OURS!!!! We are moving!!!! Mike has always wanted a rental, and this house will just work out great. It is so close to my family, and closer to Mikes work. The kids will go to school with their cousins, and Hailey will ride a bus, that is her dream.
We will miss living with Grandpa, other relatives, and this ward, everything was so great. We have had a lot of service opportunities and we will miss everyone, we have made some "lifer" friends.
Soooo.......
In the midst of moving...I sliced my finger open, I was grabbing soap in the shower and grabbed my SHAVER, bled for two hours, another doctor visit. He super glued it. It is still healing and man it hurts real bad.
Kids got croup-out of commission for a whole week. I was so tired, and they were sooo sick. Two doctor visits, almost ER visit, for a chest x ray, thought Ryker was getting pneumonia. We decided to wait it out, and they are much better, after a priesthood blessing.
Last night I went in to check on them, and Ryker was no where to be found, I looked everywhere. Then I looked at Hailey, he was in her bed cuddling with her, it was sooo sweet. Then Hailey woke up and said, "What the heck, why is Jack on my freaking pillow!" It was still really sweet. Thank goodness for medicine and breathing treatments to heal these sweet little kids.
Ryker is going through identity crisis:
For a week he was Bumblebee, then Astro Boy and now Jack (from Hook). He makes everyone call him that, he WILL correct you. He says he is Jack who plays sports. He is so sweet and has quite the imagination. Hailey is getting better from her sickness, and she is getting so big. She is quite the helper, loves to clean and loves to help pack. She and Jack are in boosters now, and I just filled out Kindergarten papers, wow! We are excited for changes, and the new life that we will have.
I really feel that everything is for a reason, our new house doesn't have a lot of storage, but that is fine. I think that is why we lived in California, to realize that you don't NEED a lot of room. Happy/great people live in homes without storage, you just do it. We also made "lifer" friends in California, that we consider family. I think I needed to have this addiction, to realize I need to have motivation in my family life, and not just in myself, and improving me. With telling close friends and family a month ago, that I was going through this, amazingly, they already knew. I just needed to find out my own way, it was hard to tell people, I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I let it go sooo far, out of control. Some people were like, ya, hello, I have told you that, or I told you that 4 years ago. Others were surprised like me, and others probably are thinking twice that they have asked me to help train them, or coach them. I hope I can get my life in order, to one day help people and motivate them in the right way and teach them the right way of doing things.
I wanted to share a thought that I heard:
When a new baby comes to this world, they are perfect right, they just came from a very loving Heavenly Father, to everyone they are perfect, their parents, especially grandparents, I think we should let that stick and remember we are perfect to those people still. I know that I should be more gentle with myself.
A HUGE thanks to Mike and the kiddos for going through all these emotions and stages of addiction with me...I know I have been a beast. I sure LOVE you all.
Also, thanks to all the friends and family who support me, in all that I do, and still love me.
Sorry this was soooo long. Thanks for reading, and sharing good news with me.

5 comments:

Rappleye Family said...

WOW! Crazy stories. Where are you moving? Are you moving out of town? GOOD LUCK!! When are you moving? I love that outfit you got Alyssa! SOOO CUTE!

Scott, Mandi and the boys said...

Ok so I had no clue about the running problem!! You never told me, don't blame you!! I am still happy for you but sad for me that you are moving! I needed to take upon myself to hang with you more while I had the chance to and had you so close. You guys will be missed terribly by all of us!! xoxoxoxo

Titel Family said...

Wow Jess, so much happened. I am excited for you guys about the house. You will love having your own yard and the kids will love it too. Your kids are really sweet and really love each other, that's not always the case with siblings. We will have to talk in reguards to your running. I hope you are healthy and it seems like you guys are happy! We love and miss ya!!

A Rosie Family said...

Wow Jessica! Crazy how much can happen in such a little bit of time! Congrats on the house... VERY EXCITING!! Sorry to hear about the struggles. It is always hard to face a problem but I hope it will only make you stronger. You are a wonderful mother and friend. Love ya girlie... miss you!!

Caldwells said...

Hey Jessica. It was great to see you guys. Thanks for you help and letting us barge in on you guys on such a busy day. Can you send me your email again so I can invite you to my blog. Mine is dominicaldwell@hotmail.com . Sorry, I got home and didn't have it. I must have left it at Mimis. Thanks.
Oh, and if you go private my gmail is dominiportercaldwell@gmail.com